by .
Dear Adelaide,
as you might have guessed, I’m leaving you. Surely you’ve noticed the signs?
For the last couple of years, things just haven’t been amazing, not the way I want it to be in the long term. I mean, I really like you and all, but since that time I spent with Helsinki, well, you know it’s been a bit different. I realise I just couldn’t commit in the long term, not in the way you wanted at least, getting a full time job, a family and a mortgage.
I know, I know… When I came back to you after the Finland incident at the start of last year, everything seemed to be great – I had big plans for you and me in the future. You were going to be my Radelaide – and none of those little niggling things would get on my nerves. But I realise now, I was trying to change you singlehandedly, make you my dynamic dreamtown or something.
It was unrealistic of me. We both needed to be changing together. I needed to change my expectations and somehow without you knowing about it, you needed to become something different. Maybe I should have communicated my needs more, told you what I liked about you (your food, your people) and encouraged you to grow and change.
Don’t take this the wrong way, you really have tried hard, and sometimes the results are fantastic. There are times when you glow and shine, when every night’s a party and I feel more hopeful about the future. But I can’t spend my life waiting around for every March, just so I can see your Fringe and Womad happy face.
And then earlier this year that Europe thing came back into my life in a couple of ways. I didn’t realise how much I’d changed, how much I needed the challenges of that type of relationship, of establishing myself afresh.
I admit it, there’s somewhere else. It’s early days yet, and I don’t know what’s going to happen – but I know that I’d regret not taking this opportunity, I’d always think of what might have been.
I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier, but you know, I just wasn’t sure of myself. Now I know what I want, and it doesn’t involve you.
Maybe there will be a future for us further down the line, you know, when I’m ready to settle down and raise some kids. We’ve all said it, you’re going to be a great place to raise a family with. I’m sure that someone will come along, someone you can grow alongside at your own pace.
Oh Adelaide, I do love you, but I just can’t see myself being happy in the long run. I will miss you.
I’d better go, my bags are packed and in the hallway…
Your friend,
Pippa