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Up in the sky the gods and giants are having a pillow fight. Huge flakes of snow are tumbling past my window.

I’m really going to miss this.

Looking out my window it seems that time is running in reverse. The laws of physics seem to be in turmoil. The wind is playing tricks and the snow appears to be lifting up off the ground and rising back up to the clouds.

There is a point at which you realise that you’ve let go of the past. Suddenly the things which you wish you’d managed differently are no longer aching, they are something that you simply acknowledge, accept and learn from.

It turns out that I’d gone past that point a while ago. I am happy.

When I worry, I don’t hold it in any longer, I either talk about it, or manage it.

When I think about the future I acknowledge what I want and rather than just dreaming, I am actively moving my reality closer to my expectations. I realise that the future won’t be exactly how I think of it, but I know that it will be good because I’ve done my best to make it that way.

In my new, too soon since Dan, wonderful, complicated, international, difficult but oh it’s amazing and it’s going to be great relationship, I am communicating and accepting and patient and most importantly I’m being myself. I am never, ever again going to deny myself of my dreams or needs just because I’m in love with someone.

I am moving forward. And at the same time the future travels towards me and we collide to make the now.

If you could, would you turn the clock back and do things differently? Or, do you replay the memories over and over again and never experience anything new?

Once again, a departure from a home, friends, familiarity and comfort zone looms. In just over two weeks I’ll leave Finland.

I have two more days at a job that has changed my life more than I can describe at this present time. Tomorrow, my mother and stepdad arrive for a week’s visit. I have people to farewell, a room of belongings to pack up and distribute to deserving friends, possessions to post.

It wasn’t until recently that I truly began to work out how I missed Adelaide and what I wanted to do on return. Priorities about people, creativity, employment, place and context are clicking into place and there’s a little more clarity about my life and future now.

While there will be things I immediately miss about my time here in Helsinki, I know that over a longer time period I’ll be realising what it’s meant to me, how it’s changed and influenced me and how I’m meant to continue my connection with this place.

Finally, there’s been a change in the weather and the snow is staying on the ground.

I like the way my footfalls crunch.

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Item #18 on my list is now, I feel, one special person closer to reality.

I’ve also added a couple of extra things that I would like to the list.

Inspired by The White Stripes song, Little Acorns, one of the ways that I’m making 2007 better is to “Take All My Problems and Rip Them Apart”. If my problems and challenges are in little pieces, it’s much easier to manage them.

It took a while, but finally my tickets out of Helsinki and home again to Adelaide are now booked. I will be home just before the end of February.

Shall we have a passionate reunion? Or shall we meet face to face for the very first time? Whatever, I can’t wait to hang out with all my Radelaide people.

Also, I’ll be in the UK for a couple of weeks in February where I’ll be meeting up with Brian in Newcastle and hanging out with Evan and Zenna who will coincidentally be in England too.

Just in case I have any English based blog lurkers, now would be the appropriate time for you to introduce yourself and to give me advice about what I should see and do in one of my nations of citizenship. I have a particular fascination to find good cafes and teahouses as research for long range goals #1 and #4.

So, any suggestions for the UK?

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i’m not one for too much self promotion, but in the interests of adding to my readership i’ve submitted battlecat to 25peeps.com. considering that i’m blurry and not showing my boobs, it would be grand if you could click through on the link above, or the link here.

thanks.

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Here is some evidence that I’ve been doing more than just sleeping and working.

I’ve been printing!

I’m very proud of these. I haven’t played with linocuts for 15 years!

I cut myself. And I loved the entire process, from sketching the concept, cutting, bleeding, cutting some more to printing.

I think that the clouds on the pink card are my favourite so far as they have printed the clearest.

Eventually, sometime towards the end of January you may get one of these in your mailbox.

Want some mail? Let me know!

Question: Should I acknowledge that I’ll definitely want to leave Australia again within a year of returning (and save money) by getting a London > Adelaide > London return ticket?

Discuss: