I suppose that uploads of photos are just going to have to wait until I get access to a fast internet connection with USB connections available. Which means that there’s nothing left to do but to steal one of Dan’s photos and explain why I bit a strange Chinese man.
There are three or four main access points to the Great Wall from Beijing. Some places are incredibly touristic and expensive and feature cable cars and toboggan tracks. Others sections are supposed to be relatively undeveloped with fewer people, no entrance fees and nicer surroundings. Based on those options, Dan, Yme, Esse and I chose to go to the Huang Hua section of the wall, one of the lower key sights.
Lonely Planet had mentioned that sections of Huang Hua might be closed to climbing near the road, but that there were alternate entry points. Our driver gave us a photocopied map and dropped us off at a path just below the wall were we paid a local landowner 4 quai to walk through her orchard. And then we paid another quaint local a pittance to walk another 250 metres. And then we entered one of the watchtowers and were on The Great Wall of China.
There was one problem confronting us. Two in fact, both wearing red armbands, and one of the problems was holding a poorly capitalised sign:
no Climbing. the wAll is Closed.
Which did seem a little odd, as above us were two small, but distinct groups of tourists already climbing on the wall.
Anyway, Problem One pulled out his second weapon, a laminated card with his photo and title: The Manager of the great wall. I’m going to increase the chances of people calling me a [violent] snob, when I say that if the layout of the card had been more professional, I probably wouldn’t have ended up biting a strange man.
At this point, biting my way onto the wall hadn’t even come into my head as “The Manager of the great wall” and his assistant had walked further up the wall to the next checkpoint allowing the four of us to follow.
It’s at this point that the engineering and tactical feat of The Great Wall became strongly apparent. The wall is built across crazily steep hills and even if a foreign horde did happen to make their up the slope without stopping for snacks and tea, they would eventually be cut off by an ambush at the next watchtower.
A couple of tourists we’d seen from below came out of the watchtower smiling. Language and entrance difficulties seemed to be erased as we all said “Ok, Ok?” in agreement and entered the watchtower. Dan and I followed the way of Yme, our tall and very calm Norwegian friend who was already striding up the next section of the wall followed by the lovely Esse. And there, in the small window of that watchtower, the foreign hordes were ambushed by the defending Chinese .
So the female foreign horde having had an arm block her by the neck, ran to the next window where the male foreign horde was also struggling with the defending forces. The first defending force block the female foreign horde by the neck again, only this time it really hurt and made the foreign horde angry.
Now, if this was a video based blog, there would be a flashback to when the foreign horde used to fight her younger brothers and how biting would always mean that she was the winner. Which would help to explain the thought sequence which led to the foreign horde (me) biting a strange Chinese man on the arm.
I suppose that it would be better to tell you the end of the story. The Manager of the great wall let the foreign horde go, but not without widening his eyes, pointing to his arm and exclaiming (in Chinese) “I can’t believe you bit me you crazy foreign lady!” and I similarly mimed and said in English “You were hurting my neck, you monkey with a tall hat on!”. And then I stormed past a guy selling souvenirs on a blanket and up to where Esse was calmly standing.
I’d like to point out at this point that I’ve never bitten a stranger before, nor have I been involved in any violent disputes. If I have bitten a non-stranger before, I’d like to add that it was either because they were being really annoying and I was only 8 years old, or because I was over the age of 18 and there were potentially erotic reasons for biting someone.
Esse and I waited further up the hill, and while I came to terms with what I’d just done, Dan, with a phrasebook and Yme as backup, was left to clean up the mess that his crazy girlfriend had left behind.
Initially, Dan offered to bribe the official which, in retrospect, was what we should have tried well before it got to the biting stage. But that didn’t work, so Dan pointed to a group of other (Chinese) tourists further up the wall and said in phrasebook Chinese “Others, OK?” and “Us, OK!”. He then pointed at The Manager of the great wall’s laminated card and said “Fake”. When neither of those tactics worked, Dan pointed at the souvenir seller who I oh so subtly introduced earlier, and said “If he’s here, we’re here. If he goes, we go!”. At which the souvenir seller started to look very worried, and started to say something to The Manager and his associate.
Only then, with the souvenir seller backing Dan up, was he able to finally bribe our way onto the wall for 50 quai.
Which proves that you catch way more flies with honey, than with vinegar.