A LEAN, GREEN, PROCRASTINATION MACHINE

 

february 27, 2002

death and the maiden

i feel like i do at the end of every holiday... i really should have used my time a bit better, and:

actually, that's a pretty pathetic list. but the list of what i have actually done is even more pathetic. the thing that i'm really happy about is installing movable type.

with starting yoga, a very close second.

:::...

now that the fringe is here though, i'm doing concentrated going out. i've been to the spiegeltent area a couple of times already; i've hung out with callum and some of his friends (there was this really freaky chick called kylie who just wouldn't go away. weird girl.); saw jeff green do his comedien thing with chris, haan, dan and some other people; and drank lots of beer.

i might even go out again tonight. i'm that tough. but i am getting pretty tired.

:::...

the ansett deal is off. a whole lot of people must be really disappointed. and the queen arrived in adelaide wearing lemon yellow with white polkadots.
ace.

:::...

i have to install linux on my machine for uni (which is a good thing, i've been meaning to partition up for a while.) and my lousy 6Gb harddrive really isn't big enough for my needs. so i'm trying to work out whether i pay mum $20 for her 9Gb drive and she gets a new 40Gb drive or whether i pay for the 40Gb drive straight up.

i don't have a digital camera, i back up to cd relatively regularly, don't download that many mp3s, and don't make any audio files. so, i don't really need the harddrive (not that mum does either) but i think i'll let her pay the $199.

hopefully i can get everything running well.


pipstar @ 04:14 PM | link | Comments:

february 25, 2002

the number of owls about the village

what a busy weekend. the fringe opening party, the hub and minke on friday, rock city, maxion, holley and simon's farewell on saturday and then on sunday, dichen's birthday (my stepbrother's girlfriend) and alex's exhibition opening.

let's just say that all these things made me very very tired, but happy.

and during those days i've done work, been op shopping with sarah, practiced yoga, helped mum get food ready, did some reading for uni and had good sleep ins[not too long, not too short].

the fringe parade would have been great if i'd been able to see anything. but little 'bro alex and i got to watch a guy pull a wire coathanger over his entire body. he was amusing despite not being very talented.

i then went and saw the bird collective play at the hub at adelaide uni. dancing and more dancing.

i chose to miss out on endorphin and went up to minke to catch up with nick, chris, dan, alex b., tory etcetc and there i did some more dancing. (my feet hurt so badly by the time i got home).

i also saw callum from uni and met a boy called robert. we chose to speak in stupid british accents. weird.


pipstar @ 10:15 AM | link | Comments:

february 20, 2002

kogepan

i was having a look at giant robot for the new j.otto cover and i found out the name of the little bread i've been seeing on stickers in morning glory... kogepan!

:::...

i feel quite stiff in my back at the moment. and my thighs were so sore this morning! (well, afternoon - i got out of bed at 11.30)

:::...

i'd told myself that i would try to not whinge about missing aidan in my blog, but i can't resist.

i miss aidan and i get pissed off because his emails aren't very detailed or very interesting. so i wait and wait and wait for an email, and i know very little more about what's happening to him.

whinge over.


pipstar @ 09:25 PM | link | Comments:

february 19, 2002

stretch armstrong

karah, karen and i went to yoga for the first time today.

tadasana
easy peasy. we got to stand and lift up our toes and tighten the top of our knees. and lift our hands above our heads. stretch t a l l.

triconasana
ouch. we got to stretch our legs apart. and then stretch our sides. parallel feet.

virabhadrasana
more of the same. but bending our legs to a right angle. this really hurt. and i almost fell over.

and some other asana which are too hard to draw with a mouse...

:::...

after yoga, karah and i went to the market and ate food and gossiped and bought things and discussed the finer points of monday night tv viewing.

18.00 - the simpsons
18.30 - neighbours
19.00 - abc news
19.30 - friends
20.00 - malcolm in the middle
20.30 - secret life of us
21.30 - sex and the city (from next week)
22.30 - 6 feet under.

pretty pathetic, isn't it? but hey, i read, sew, eat, take toilet breaks, water my plants, play hacky sack with my brother all while watching tv.

and now i can do yoga stretches in front of the tv as well.

:::...

maneki neko
i bought a cool maneki neko [good luck cat] mug (with tea strainer and lid) for about $5 today at lien heng.

:::...

thankyou to sarah and jolan for comments. that makes a grand total of four!


pipstar @ 11:18 PM | link | Comments: *

february 17, 2002

in the bedroom

i do believe that martha stewart must suffer from obsessive compulsion. i understand that it's not just martha doing all this stuff, she must have a kazillion lackeys running around making things look just so, but still, isn't it all just a little bit too perfect?

could she be an alien? someone who got the idea of the perfect woman from 1950s issues of the Women's Weekly?

despite martha's extra-terrestrial status, i have to say that i am drawn to her.

for instance, i'm not going to leave for my "big trip" for at least five months. but i'm already figuring what to pack (because writing lists is fun - oh an idea for another blog! "the packing list"). it seems like martha has taken care of it for me.
the laundry kit, the first aid kit (in linen to match the signature travel collection) and the sewing kit.

and there's more (i'm getting really excited now...)! the travel watercolour kit (you have to admit, it's pretty cute).

:::...

i made up a yeast, flour, honey, water mix last night to create some sourdough base for some bread. and the bread has just come out of the oven! (how martha of me!)

i think that maybe rye flour is the downfall (literally) of my bread. it seems to make the dough stop rising at some point and then it collapses a little. it tastes good though. fresh, warm bread with butter on it. yum.

:::...

i think that i needed to bake a loaf of bread today. the last week has been full of weird news, i'm feeling poor and bored and lonely and the film that i saw last night with han and some of his friends (angelle?, lani? and ??? - god, i'm hopeless with names) was pretty depressing. it was called in the bedroom. depressing, but not to say that it was bad. it was one of those good films which you don't feel happy after watching.

the type of film which makes the rest of your saturday night feel worthless. almost up there with dancer in the dark and requiem for a dream in terms of feeling kinda hopeless. but not that distressing.

so after saying good bye to han et al i went for a wander over to shotz in the hope that someone i knew would be there. but just next to hungry jacks was a horrible horrible person from my past. someone who makes me feel physically ill and worthless and reminds me of horrible mistakes that i made. so i kept on walking right past. it was the only thing i could do.

and then i went driving around looking for people i knew. but i found noone and went home. and started to make some bread. a soothing, real, creative act. which i can eat.

i also finished off reading the wind-up bird chronicle. good but confusing and you think that you've worked out things but you never find out if you're right. mark gave it a thumbs up. and i will too.


pipstar @ 01:42 PM | link | Comments: *

february 16, 2002

comments

commenting is working now. thankyou sarah for emailing me to tell me! and thankyou for reading my blog. ;)


pipstar @ 06:46 PM | link | Comments: *

february 16, 2002

is it today, tomorrow or yesterday?

i've spoken to aidan on the phone a couple of times this week. last night, for st valentine's and keeping him up to speed with the massive changes taking place in our town. today, to explain why his photos weren't posting to his blog.

it almost makes me feel like aidan will be coming back to adelaide at any moment. however, i am completely conscious of the fact that five weeks do not equal a year. they equal less than 10% of a year.

i feel like i've been able to encourage and support aidan in his need to be somewhere else for a year. [granted: this was after months of crying and 'how can you do this to me' priority tantrums]

but the reasons that he couldn't quite explain to me are beginning to make themselves clear to me.

first: "going overseas allows you to "create" the person you want to be"
because aidan doesn't have to be doing anything (not rowing, not studying) he can do whatever he wants. hey, he doesn't even have to be a boyfriend. it must feel great for him.

[that does sound a bit bitter doesn't it? well, wouldn't you be jealous?]

second: "Have you ever had that feeling - that you'd like to go to a whole different place and become a whole different self?
...
I wanted to get outside myself: the me that had existed until then.... In that new world of ours, we were trying to get hold of new selves that were better suited to who we were deep down. We believed that we could live in a way that was more perfectly suited to who we were."
~ Haruki Murakami - The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

:::...

so i've got a mission for myself and for the two / three people who read this. [hi brian! thanks for the only comment so far! and pix! thanks for your email. but i'm a very crappy responding emailer!.]

anyway. the mission.

what is the thing that you wish you could do to really express your real self? is is a specific thing? [change of hair colour, new job?] or a complete life change? [moving overseas? coming out as a member of cypress hill?]

i must sleep.


pipstar @ 01:12 AM | link | Comments: *

february 15, 2002

what they left behind

go have a look at michael chabon's webpage. there is some beautiful writing there.

a week in prague
maps and legends


pipstar @ 03:27 PM | link | Comments:

february 15, 2002

in love with a slacker i never knew

this is what i was afraid of missing out on this year. a relaxed aidan, who has time to do whatever he feels like. a non-medical student boyfriend who is still aidan? that would be great.


this is not to say that i don't like the medical student aidan. i think that he's a great guy. he's the guy i fell in love with.

i've caught glimpses of relaxed aidan [maybe twice. ever.] and i have to say. i have a pretty big crush on him. he'd be great to hang out with.

maybe if i did get to know the relaxed aidan i wouldn't be able to reconcile that identity with the aidan i know now.

but what happens if this is the one year when i could really get to know aidan, but i can't because he's on the other side of the world?


pipstar @ 10:49 AM | link | Comments:

february 14, 2002

40 water bombs - assorted colours

i've tried to hold out, but i think that i'm going to see amelie again. it's a film i've started to recommend to strangers i've passed on the street.

:::...

karah and i are [hopefully] starting yoga on tuesday! we will be very, very achey on wednesday. and very tired by tuesday night.

we can incorporate yoga into our friendship - eating and buying things. and talking about how silly boys are. discussing the previous night's sex and the city and secret life of us.

:::...

amanda leaves for melbourne today (tomorrow morning?)! i dropped by her house this afternoon and took her a cd i made up (a don't worry you're making the right choice moving across the country cd).

she has so much stuff to sort through: clothes, cool house things, very important micellaneous stuff which you have no use for and every reason to keep. all i can say is once she has everything over in melbourne, her house is going to look very funky.

and i also finally got a look at the portfolio that she set up for entry into the fashion design course at rmit. amanda documented the design and construction of a very funky shirt with ruffley bits everywhere. i was impressed.

amanda will you make me some clothes?

after you've settled into a whole new lifestyle?

anyway, good luck amanda with moving to a different state and starting a new job and beginning uni! though you rock! you don't need luck!

:::...

tomorrow (today?) i intend to speak to aidan [the only person who could be my valentine], do my exploring technoculture reading, go for a walk with mum and post off a mysterious package to sweden (which after careful consideration will NOT contain vegemite... way too heavy).

sleep now.


pipstar @ 01:04 AM | link | Comments:

february 12, 2002

feeling sexy

i just saw feeling sexy on sbs. it was a very sweet film.

[the sbs website is beatiful.]

:::...

i wish i could go to melbourne to see ninetynine play at the punters club. the punters club will be closing on the 17th and i haven't seen ninetynine for over a year.

and i want to be in sweden now, hanging out with aidan....

or waking up in thailand or vietnam will be nice!

:::...

i have dealt with a month so far! i've only made one angry, missing phone call to aidan. [i think that's pretty good.]

i'm feeling incredibly bored but that is mostly to do with not working or studying at the moment. aidan would be back doing 5th year now. and according to karah, time for spending with girlfriends of 5th year med students is not that big a part of the timetabling requirements.

boredboredboredboredboredboredbored

i should clean my room, make a moving away to melbourne present for amanda, do some exercise, email people i always intend to email, take some more photos...


pipstar @ 10:29 PM | link | Comments:

february 12, 2002

make your home fit your life

having only one day of work a week is incredibly bad for me. the lack of money is something i can deal with, but i just end up sleeping all day.

pretty much all i did today was to dye my hair. big whoop. it looks pretty darn red.

i'm worrying a little bit about needing to dye my hair while overseas. carrying henna around (brown powder) could just be plain dangerous. and kinda messy.

oh well. maybe i'll have to be two toned for a couple of months (hopefully not).

:::...

i had a very interesting chat with nick tonight. i'm glad that we stayed in touch while aidan's overseas.


pipstar @ 01:19 AM | link | Comments:

february 07, 2002

kung foo

ultra interactive bruce lee remix tool - it will change your life.


pipstar @ 11:02 PM | link | Comments:

february 07, 2002

a short story

well, i suppose it isn't really a story.

i think that the new black shorts that i bought the other day actually improved my netball game! i intercepted the ball, and did the annoying blocking my opponent with my shoulder and elbow thing. and even joe, who always sounds a bit disappointed when i miss the ball or something like that, was encouraging.

it must be the shorts.

but we did lose however. apparently the team that we were playing are our nemesis.

:::...

i think that i'm going to go and get more work. the last week has been dead boring, sitting at home working on a very boring interface for battlecat.net [gee, i really know how to sell myself] and going into the city and not buying anything fun. i get to go into work tomorrow and enter boring web content! [i can't believe i'm looking forward to a day at work.]

i did go into the markets with mum today. we tried to eat our way through ludicrously large servings of chinese food (i had a pretty boring wonton noodle soup) and forgot to buy useful ingredients (ie. soy sauce) for dinner.

i then hung around in town, saw nick at sym choon's, looked at stuff to send over in a package for aidan (most things: too heavy, too expensive, not good enough), spoke to mark about going to see from hell, caught the bus home.

i think that the last week's made me decide that my ultimate job [at the moment] would only need me there about 3 and a half days a week (at about $25 an hour). i'd be earning enough money to live, enough to save and enough to spend! and i wouldn't be paying too much tax either. and most importantly i'd have enough time to do what i want... and hopefully the job would actually be interesting.

i want to buy campers when i'm in spain!

this made me feel happy... what does love mean?


pipstar @ 10:44 PM | link | Comments:

february 06, 2002

rockets flying past my window

avid's pictures are so sweet!

:::...

forgive me if i'm just a little bit freaked out. but my 19 year old brother just came into my room with the intention of asking me about girls' vaginas. or more specifically advice about his occassional girlfiend kate's said anatomical region. i was freaked out. so i gave him general information about vaginas. what else was i to do?

:::...

i'm having major little bro problems today. not only The Question asked by nicky. but my littlest bro, alex got on the wrong bus and was late for school. i feel pretty damn guilty as i was in charge of showing him the way to get to school by bus! but mum said that it was likely he hadn't listened to me yesterday.

but really i'm more worried about having an angry, almost 13 year old boy not talking to me. which is quite pathetic, but i like my little brother.

:::...

last night i looked at sites about yoga. and at sites about shoes and nice pants.

i also did really stupid things like stay up to watch the late show (i knew that david letterman completely sucks, but i still persisted) and ending up watching a show called titans. i know that it will affect me in the same way that sunset beach did a couple of years ago (late nights etc) but any show containing the line "You won't tell anyone about my fake pregnency will you?" is sure to grab me. [as did sunset beach]

:::...

i ended up getting a new mouse and defragging my hard drive. my mad bitch of a computer seems to be working a little bit better now.

i also bought some shorts and coat hangers. so now my cheap purchases have been made. i need to buy the expensive boring things on my list now.


pipstar @ 12:23 PM | link | Comments:

february 04, 2002

unkle::psyence fiction

the thought of having to buy a new cd player is not making me happy. granted, i have had the dying one since about 1994 but it should still be working. but there must be something wrong with the speakers because they keep on fading in and out when i'm listening to cds or the radio.

so we'll have to add that to the list of purchases which don't involve plane tickets to far off destinations:

already that's over a grand (if i get a good stereo!) and there's things like passport payments, cool denim skirts at sportsgirl, records, haircuts, uni textbooks, phonebills, student union fees, a discman for travelling with etcetc.

budgeting is not nice...

:::...

i have been finding references to people i know online. apart from searching on google i also found this. i know half these people! it makes sense that i'd find them off the carclew site because it was at carclew that i met them all.

reading about all the stuff that they've done makes me want to get off my arse and actually work on my hairbrained scheme. which i would describe right now. but it is a good idea and i don't want it stolen. but it involves an initial investment into a crack of director (and cd xtra for making interactive audio cds).

oh well. the scheme will never eventuate. i'll always have to run off to watch tv. like now. buffy's on.


pipstar @ 08:57 PM | link | Comments:

february 04, 2002

how to be happy without spending [too much] money

i think that i was feeling bored, frustrated, sad, angry, poor, insignificant and in need of hugs.

speaking to aidan was good. despite being emotionally charged. and despite being rung at 3.30am, chris remained a very good friend and basically told me the things that i tell myself. but occassionally someone else needs to tell you something to make it real.

i had a shower and then slept through to 12.30 the next day. i felt kinda flat, but much better.

and i went into the city and looked at clothes and books and cds. i smiled at people and they smiled back and that made me happier. i spent $4 on lipbalm for mum and i and $5 to preorder skillathon. what a cheap day!

and then i went home, set up mt on the new server and watched dante's peak. i was so worried during it! i kept on going "no kids! don't go up the side of the volcano by yourself! it's too dangerous!". of course bad things happened. despite the film provoking an emotional response i thought it completely sucked!

and now i'm at work with nothing to do apart from blog (though i need to get my computer access renewed). i'm also listening to cds i've never listened to before! why? well i sorted through my cds yesterday and realised that there are about 40 that i've listened to about once or not at all (2nd hand bargains and freebies). so i figure listening to them all will be like newly purchased music and i can work out which ones to keep, give away and sell!
already i've listened to 1965 by the afghan whigs and i'm currently listening to a natalie merchant live recording. i used to find the afghan whigs emotionally distressing when i was going out with stuart, but i quite like them now!


pipstar @ 10:21 AM | link | Comments:

february 03, 2002

i love you, but...

preface: i've spent about $10 worth on international calls to aidan in sweden in the last hour. i feel like shit. i want to have a whinge.

oh. and my computer is acting like a crazy bitch. something is very wrong. and i don't want to be the one to fix [and pay] for everything.

:::...

this evening i had a pretty good time with karah, james d, han and karyn. we went to watch the sky show from the golf course in north adelaide and we had cold rolls. it was lovely.

however. underlying the last couple of days for me has been a feeling of insecurity. it probably started on tuesday, when aidan called me up from uppsala.

since then (and this is more likely to be related to menstrual cycle stuff) i've been feeling [how do i put this?] kinda horny. and not being officially single. and not being officially stupid... i haven't followed up on this urge. but goddamnit! i've thought about it. i've thought about sex with aidan (particularly) but also (weird twisted revenge and practically - they're actually in the country) with other people.

and these types of thoughts do not make me happy. while it is completely unreasonable to expect that either aidan or i would remain celibate / faithful over a year, i also find it distressing that i would (after only three weeks away from him) give non-aidan sex a second thought.

so despite the lovely night with karah, james d, han and karyn i was not feeling 100% when i got home. while i'd been out with these lovely people there were also points when i'd close my eyes in the hope that when i opened them - *surprise* - aidan would mysteriously be there.

so what do i do?

of course! i ring up aidan in sweden!

and i cry. and i try to concisely (in 5 minutes or less) describe how i'm feeling. and then eventually i ask him what status we are currently operating under. and the answer is what i know it should be.

...:::

i'm feeling pretty calm about the concept of not "going out" with my boyfriend, best friend, partner in silliness. i have of course had a large sob session. i look pretty darn shit and my nose is itchy and dry from using too many tissues.

it is also 4.15 am.

at least we've said something about something to each other. the way i see it: we can't really say that we are single at the moment. that would be lying. but to say that we are together? that would be an even bigger lie.

and i am so very angry with aidan. i am also completely supportive of the huge changes he has made to his life for the next year.

but what about the changes that i've had to go through?

i'm angry with myself for letting this situation arise.
i'm angry with the people who say "true love prevails... if aidan and you are meant to be together - everything will work out!" because they're probably going to be wrong and i'm going to feel like shit while i'm waiting to see what everything will do.
and i'm angry with the other faction of people who say "don't even bother with him. you'll feel like shit and nothing will come of it in the end but heartbreak" because they almost completely diminish any faith that i have in the path that my life is taking and i'm still going to have to wait for nothing.

at the moment that i feel that i'm going to feel like shit whatever choice that i make.

fuck i'm confused.

:::...

shower. sleep. maybe a swim tomorrow? shopping? it can only make me feel better.


pipstar @ 03:04 AM | link | Comments:

february 01, 2002

big day in

i have to admit that it's pretty sad. even for me.

instead of going to the big day out, i sat at home and went on the web. even after nick rang me up to tell me that he'd be there watching jurassic 5.

but i'm making the "saving money" excuse and i wasn't able to score a free ticket from anyone. even though it would have been great seeing jurassic 5, cool seeing the white stripes again and lovely to see new order, the ticket was not worth $92.50.

however, i am going down to see lab at minke tonight. and that should be fun. even though the crowd will be post bigdayout stinky.

the reason why i sat on the web all day? well, i've finally organised a domain name. i resisted registering pipstar.com. and i registered www.battlecat.net instead. go on! have a look! [though there's nothing worth looking at right now.]

so i've been installing movable type on another server! and i've been having trouble... but it isn't the 500 internal server error... i've now got the link to mt-load.cgi asking if i want to save the file to disk or run it from it's location! that's not what's meant to happen!

so hopefully you'll be seeing this up in a spunky [maybe with new digital camera images] new format at www.battlecat.net! but not just yet...

[must get ready for minke fun]


pipstar @ 09:17 PM | link | Comments: