Just a little bit.
by Pippa ~ May 31st, 2007. Filed under: Uncategorized.I spoke to Sighmon soon after his grandfather’s funeral. He’d thought twice about taking the photos in the first place and he thought again when he went to post them on Flickr.
It is shocking to see a dead body, but we have to ask ourselves why it is shocking. In contemporary Western society we have shut ourselves away from death - it is dealt with by professionals when it does occur and pushed aside as we go about our lives.
Traditionally, a wake involved sitting with the deceased until the funeral takes place. Family and friends would come to view the deceased, and today, open casket funerals serve the same purpose. In Ghana, coffins are prepared well in advance of someone’s death and viewed as a celebration of a person’s life. In the 17th century, wax death masks were used to record people’s features long after they had died.
I don’t feel that Sighmon’s act of posting his grandfather’s image was very different from any of those traditions at all, it was just more public. An open-invite virtual viewing I suppose.
I have felt truly privileged when a now [long time ago] ex-boyfriend invited me into the hospital room of his recently deceased father. It was a calm, moving time - I was able to see how cancer had a ravaged a father and how death had exited a man. And that is how I think of Sighmon’s photo - as a privilege that he is sharing with us.
I felt that I had missed out on something when I was unable to see either of my grandmothers’ bodies. I lost opportunities to contemplate, and opportunities to meditate on what was no longer. It doesn’t make up for it, but I am grateful to Sighmon for his generosity.
How else does are we affected by the way we deals with situations like this? By the way one deals with digitalised death, postponed mourning, death of loved ones and the certain uncertainty of our own passing?
The death of someone upsets the illusion of permanence we tacitly seek to sustain. Yet we are skilled in disguising such reactions with expressions and conventions that contain death within a manageable social frame. To meditate on the certainty of death and the uncertainty of its time helps transform the experience of another’s death from an awkward discomfiture into an awesome and tragic conclusion to the transience that lies at the heart of all life.
Over time such meditation penetrates our primary sense of being in the world at all. It helps us value more deeply our relationships with others, whom we come to regard as transient as ourselves. It evokes the poignancy implicit in the transitoriness of all things.
Stephen Batchelor, Buddhism Without Beliefs
June 1st, 2007 at 2:34 pm
I understand how different cultures view death differently. I just dont think your friend has the right to publicly display an image of someone without permission. Its disrespectful. Did your friend ask his grandfather if he could do that prior to him dying? Did your friend ask his parent whether they would mind.
The problem here isnt in our inabilities to understand or cope with images of death. The problem is the same problem that underlies a lot of what you say and do, which is USING OTHER PEOPLE’S MISFORTUNES TO TRY AND MAKE YOURSELF SEEM INTERESTING.
its pathetic. but thanks for your little lesson on death.
June 1st, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Linda,
Is it possible that Sighmon is an interesting person and that’s why he did what he did? I don’t know the guy, but even from looking through his flickr set and looking at the kinds of things he does (like organise a weekly drawing club) I am led to believe this might just be the case.
Sorry for the hijack P*, I enjoyed the post and was listening to something similar on zencast the other day.
June 1st, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Hi Linda,
I wasn’t sure if your email address would actually work, so I’ll respond publicly.
I have a feeling that your webyelling is motivated by recent posts I’ve made about my life, not just about Sighmon’s photograph.
I wrote about my brother because my family is a part my life, it affects and informs who I am and that is what this blog is about. Me. And the things that I care about and am interested in.
In writing about my brother I’m writing about me, but I’m also trying to raise awareness of how mental illness affects entire families, not just the diagnosed individual. It is our misfortune too, not just his.
My mother’s life is fucked up and made incredibly difficult because of Nick. Her relationship with my step-father is made harder as she tries to cope with Nick’s demands. In order to have a meal with my father where we get to eat and have a conversation like normal people, without Nick acting up and demanding our attention, we arrange it on the sly - and don’t tell him about it. Just so we can be a normal and uninteresting family every now and then.
Writing a personal blog is truly self centered and I am completely conscious of that. I pick and choose the interesting stuff from the rest of my life because writing about vacuuming the hallway and sleeping and making another cup of tea is tedious for me as well as my reader. This act of editorial discretion makes a refined me, a concentrated interesting me. I know, I made this super stylised “ePippa” out of the sometimes boring, sometimes interesting Pippa.
But I must point out that I’ve kept this blog for 7 years and it is only now that I’m writing directly about Nick. It was a hard decision, but one that I’m very proud to have made. If I wanted to write about him primarily to “use” his misfortune, wouldn’t I have done it a little bit earlier?
Obviously you find what I write fascinating enough to return, to read further posts and to comment. By doing so you are to a certain extent complicit in this writer-audience relationship. I’m not making you read this. I understand that you may not agree with what I say. And that is fine.
But remember, that you can always just go away.
regards,
Pippa
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Pippa
I have thought quite a lot about whether or not to respond to your epic ‘woe-is-me’ letter and have decided to give it another bash.
Yes - I have a problem with some of the things you write on your blog, but up until now have been quite happy to sit back and observe the train wreck that is your life. I don’t have an issue with you talking about your brother and his problems, but viewed in context of the rest of your blog, it’s not about him or your concern for him at all! Its ALL about you!
You haven’t even addressed my complaint!!!
I don’t care about your mother and I don’t care how you organise your family dinners. None of that bothers or interests me. What I can’t understand is why would you condone your friend putting a photo of his dead grandfather on his flickr site???? It’s sick and revolting and completely disrespectful. But again, the act of using an image which you have no right to use represents the type of person you appear to be.
• You are a massive sook.
• You are somebody who will quite happily use the misfortune of others to make you seem more interesting.
• You like being the victim.
Of course you are entitled to keep a blog for as long as you like, but you have to realise that people will take issue with things you post here. I don’t find you fascinating, but I do return because I find your blog funny. Your blog and your life are a reminder of the type of life, and person I don’t ever want to be or have. You make me laugh because I don’t understand why you are like you are.
So if you want to keep writing sh*t on a stupid blog, I have every right to read it, laugh at it, make complaints about it and bag it. Maybe you should take your own advice and remember, you too can always go away.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Linda,
I linked to an image which Sighmon had posted on flickr, and which had then been picked up by the flickr blog. I do not feel I misused the image of his grandfather at all, I linked to a post about it within my del.iciu.us feed because I found it interesting on a number of levels (photographically, culturally and because Sighmon is a good friend).
I don’t understand why then, in this situation you’ve chosen me to be the target of your anger.
I referred to the posts about my brother because, perhaps incorrectly, I thought you felt that I was using his misfortune to make myself more interesting. Obviously you just were concerned with my post about Sighmon.
You may think that I am a sook and like being the victim, but at least I write about my life as a way of understanding it. Sharing it publicly is something that has evolved over the last seven years. I feel I’ve been pretty brave, not sooky, to write about a couple of specific things knowing full well that there are people like you out there.
As one who has benefited greatly from blogging I suggest that you could share your life with the world? But in the first place you could be brave enough so as to provide an email address which actually works, allowing me the right to reply privately and preventing further flame wars.
In the words of Yo La Tengo:
Yours,
Pippa
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm
And in the words of the Eagles: GET OVER IT
It’s/like/going/to/confession/every/time/I/hear/you/speak/You’re/makin’/the/most/of/your/losin’/streak/Some/call/it/sick,/but/I/call/it/weak/You/drag/it/around/like/a/ball/and/chain/You/wallow/in/the/guilt;/you/wallow/in/the/pain/You/wave/it/like/a/flag,/you/wear/it/like/a/crown/Got/your/mind/in/the/gutter,/bringin’/everybody/down/Complain/about/the/present/and/blame/it/on/the/past/I’d/like/to/find/your/inner/child/and/kick/its/little/ass/
Get/over/it/Get/over/it/
All/this/bitchin’/and/moanin’/and/pitchin’/a/fit/
Get/over/it,/get/over/it/
Get/over/it/Get/over/it/
It’s/gotta/stop/sometime,/so/why/don’t/you/quit/
Get/over/it,/get/over/it
June 4th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Holy crap!!!
Linda certainly needs to get over herself. I cant stop laughing at her. Is she for real? Do f*%$ed people like her really exist?
What a little and sad life you live that you must go onto other peoples blogs to mock them and make your pathetic self seem more important.
Congratulations on being so mature about the way you express yourself. You truly are the pinnacle of humanity. Yes you have a right to have an opinion but why bother when you make your self seem like such an ass. Maybe you should stop laughing at others and turn that judgement onto your own life that seems so uninteresting that you have to spend time bagging people on the net.
You must be really proud of your self…I am sure you have lots of friends, and you are a nice person who has an interesting life but I just cant imagine that to be true. It’s laughable at best. Were you dropped on your head as a child or do you like torturing small animals in your spare time? Thats my only explanation for people like you.
You seem like an ignorant, spiteful, stupid person who doesn’t have to judge other peoples lives unless they are willing to be judged themselves. If you actually had such a superior life maybe you could write a blog that other people could comment on. Just because people have emotional stuff going on in your lives doesn’t mean they cant express themselves and that you are somehow able to laugh at their woes.
I think Simon and Pippa can write and do whatever they want. That’s the power of the net and free speech. I dont think Pippa is a woe is me victim, far from it.
In closing… Who made you the thought Nazi? If you don’t like it go away. Start your own blog for people who care. I think we should all ignore your pathetic attempts at communication because people like you don’t deserve to be given any more attention.
June 4th, 2007 at 3:51 am
Holy crap!!!
Linda certainly needs to get over herself. I cant stop laughing at her. Is she for real? Do f*%$ed people like her really exist?
What a little and sad life you live that you must go onto other peoples blogs to mock them and make your pathetic self seem more important.
Congratulations on being so mature about the way you express yourself. You truly are the pinnacle of humanity. Yes you have a right to have an opinion but why bother when you make your self seem like such an ass. Maybe you should stop laughing at others and turn that judgement onto your own life that seems so uninteresting that you have to spend time bagging people on the net.
You must be really proud of your self…I am sure you have lots of friends, and you are a nice person who has an interesting life but I just cant imagine that to be true. It’s laughable at best. Were you dropped on your head as a child or do you like torturing small animals in your spare time? Thats my only explanation for people like you.
You seem like an ignorant, spiteful, stupid person who doesn’t have to judge other peoples lives. If you actually had such a superior life maybe you could write a blog that other people could comment on. Just because people have emotional stuff going on in your lives doesn’t mean they cant express themselves and that you are somehow able to laugh at their woes.
I think Simon and Pippa can write and do whatever they want. That’s the power of the net and free speech. Who made you the thought Nazi? If you don’t like it go away. Start your own blog for people who care. I think we should all ignore your pathetic attempts because people like you don’t deserve to be given any more attention.
June 4th, 2007 at 4:29 am
Hi Pippa / Michelle,
Firstly, Pippa, thank you for your kind words and wonderful take on the western world’s fear of death. You’re spot on in my eyes, and have inspired me by your stories of the ceremonies in Ghana.
I also want to tell you how much i appreciate the writings of your family life, and especially the detail of the hardships you go through with your brother. As you know, I can relate quite closely and your experiences have helped me come to terms and put in perspective the similar emotions and battles my family has had. So please don’t change or censor your blogging. The people your words have helped and will help in future massively outweigh the one or two who won’t understand them.
Hugs to you and your brother!
Michelle: we really should get round to catching up sometime soon.. you continually make me drool with your cooking posts.. and any friend of Pippa’s can’t be anything less than lovely.
Linda: I appreciated your opinion until you got offensive. I invite you to start a discussion via my photo page on Flickr, perhaps you can leave your hatred at the door and we could learn something from one another?
Simon.
June 4th, 2007 at 4:35 am
I completely disagree with you, Linda. Your comments come across as bitter and fail to miss the magnitude and bravery of Simon’s posting. The photo is a beautiful tribute and words about a man who he obviously loved very deeply, and to suggest that he posted it for any reason other than as a tribute is disgusting. It was his decision to post the photo, it was his grandpa and he has obviously weighed up the choice himself - his, personal, choice I might add - before posting. Show some respect and understand that just because a photo is moving and interesting, it doesn’t mean it’s a publicity stunt.
June 4th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Obviously a differing opinion isnt welcome in this forum. Apologies. Will step back in my box now. Thanks guys!